Dear Alexander what can I say to you
by Areyousirius62442
Summary: Alexander Hamilton was not your average teenager, He has numerous mental health issues for one, he was gay for two, and there is a whole list of other problems he doesn't want to get into, but he has his family maybe just maybe... They'll be enough, with Thomas Jefferson that is. TRIGGER WARNINGS /SELF-HARM,MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, EATING DISORDERS, ABUSIVE REALTIONSHIP/
1. chapter 1

Alexander Washington wasn't your typical kind of teenager, and why was that?, Well firstly he was gay, which is pretty normal in most other states apart from Virgina aparently, and his school was extremely homophobic hence, why he kept it under wraps from everyone but his parents and one of his older brothers John, Alex loved all his brother tremendously he was practically always glued to one of their sides but him and John had a connection maybe it was because they shared a room together when they were small?, or maybe is was cause there was only a one year age gap who knew?, But there was obviously something about his curly haired, green eyed, freckled, brother that made him trust him, but there was other things he'd only talk about with his other older brothers for example if someone was trying to give Alex shit he'd go straight to Hercules if he was upset or need fashion advice he'd go straight to Gilbert he preferred to be called his middle name Lafayette for some reason, 'made him sound exotic' he said.

Lafayette was also the first person he went to if he wanted to talk about his emotions, or needed comforting that was the majority of the time.

You see Alexander was sick well mentally that was, he has the full package Self-Harm,eating disorder, anxiety, depression you name it he's got it. The cause for all this?, Well Alex was bullied in middle school almost everyday because 1) he was tiny 2) he looks like a girl 3) he was a little chubby 4) he stutters almost constantly 5) he couldn't write well obviously he could write but the letters would never form correctly, he had too many words in his head too many things to say and they'd just jumble into one he still has that issue.

-3--3--3

Beep

Beepbeep

Beep

Beepbeep

BEEP

BEEPBE-

Slam!

Alex sat up and groaned tiredly and ran a hand through his hair. He sat up and there was a smell of breakfast in the air, immediately felt a sudden wave of nausea from it and his stomach curled.

'please don't be sick, please don't be sick'

He inhaled through his nose and closed his eyes wishing the sick feeling away. Unfortunately, this was a common occurance.

"Alex?"

He opened one of his eyes to see his eldest brother looking back at him.

"Alex you good kiddo?"

"N-not really n-o" he closed his eyes and swallowed hard trying to keep the nausea down, when suddenly he felt a warmth wrap around him and strong arms squeezing him lightly

"Shhh, It's okay dear"

Alex snuggled into the warmth of Hercules ' chest Hercules felt him smiling slightly, nausea forgotten, they stayed like that for a while until a knock sounded on the door.

"Alexander, Hercules?" They both looked up to see their dad smiling back at them. George smiled, " boys you best get dressed breakfast is ready".

Hercules let go of him and headed to his room, and his Dad went to turn away.

"D-daddy?" A quiet voice whispered towards George. He immediately turned around his full attention on his youngest son.

"Yeah son?" Alexander felt a dip on the bed where his father sat, he hid his face in his daddy's chest and closed his eyes.

" Daddy, I-i'm n-not all that hungry" George's brow frowned before stroking Alex's head.

"Are you okay to go to school today?" the question was very familiar more so than is should be, Alex had quite low attendance since he had many days off for his mental health, he couldn't afford to have any more days off, he loved learning even if he couldn't write anything down that was legible.

"Y-yeah i-i just"

"Yeah I know son" he rubbed his back lightly, and kisses the top of his forehead. "I'll get you some porridge or one of those shakes yeah?, It'll be lighter and easier to stomach for you".

" can I h-have a shake? "

His dad smiled, "sure kiddo, you'd better get dressed you're gonna be late, I'll put your shake in a flask for you kay?"

He nodded, and as soon as his Dad closed the door he signed and walked over to his dresser to grab some clothes, he peeled off his sweatpants and the shirt he was wearing with a cartoon turtle on the front (it didn't fit John anymore), and shrugged on a pair of blue boxers, and oversized green sweater that Hercules had made him and some Gray jeans, he pushed his circle glasses on his nose (he only needed them for reading, but it was a fashion statement).

He cracked open the door, and walked down the landing, hopping down the stairs and into the kitchen.

The Washington kitchen in the morning would be intimidating to most people, John was on the counter swinging his legs eating a pancake in his hands, Hercules Laf, and his Dad sat at the table, the former two flicking pieces of eggs at each other, the latter reading the newspaper cup of coffee close beside him, His mama was washing dishes humming slightly. Alexander felt a wave of sadness wash over him they were the perfect family and he just had to walk in the fucked up kid they'd probably wished they'd got rid of at the first chance.

"Morning Alex!"

John smiled towards him his pearly white teeth on show, he hopped down from the counter and ran over to his brother swinging his freckled arms around him.

"M-morning J-John" he mumbled, Alex loved hugs no matter from who and John always made sure he had more than he needed, he buried his head inside his brother's shoulder and inhaled the scent of vanilla shampoo.

Reluctantly they pulled apart John's hands on Alex's shoulders, John smiled yet again brightly at his little brother, John's smiles were always sincere and personal Alex knew this because John always looked into your eyes when he did so and he had a different smile for all of his brother's, John was bouncing on the balls of his feet when his face twisted into a concerned expression.

"Are you okay?, Daddy said you weren't feeling good again"

John, never called George 'Daddy' in public, said he was too old for it, but literally everyone in the house knew he liked to be babied.

Alexander felt a wave of guilt wash over him as he looked at John's twisted expression, John looked a lot better when he smiled, and it was Alex's fault he wasn't smiling. His fault. His fault. His fault. His fault. His fault. HIS FAULT. such a fuck up such a fuck up SUCH A FU-.

"Oi!, earth to Alex!"

Alex looked up to see John staring at him clicking his fingers near his face.

"Y-yeah, Just ya knoww" Alex shrugged.

John pouted at him and let go of Alex's shoulders crossing his freckled arms.

"You gonna eat lunch righttt?, You'll get poorly again if you don't"

Alex bit his lip and looked down at the floor scuffing his blue sock clad feet against the kitchen tile.

"W-what I-if I don't w-wanna" Alex's protest wasn't much more than a pathetic whisper.

"H-HEY YOU can't jus-" he was interrupted by a throaty cough behind them.

"John Laurence!, leave Alex alone you know he gets sick sometimes he can't help that!, and Alexander James drop that attitude, yes- I heard that comment, and son you know you've gotta eat lunch, or I'll have to call Dr.Knox and we don't want that do we baby? Hmm? "

"No D-daddy"

"Okay baby, both of you is that understood?"

There was a small chorus of "Yes daddy"

"Okay come here you two"

almost instantly two pairs of arm attached themselves to George, (Alex around his waist, John his neck) George wrapped his arms around them both, he then kissed his little boys freckled forehead before whispering "Love you Baby" and getting a whispered reply of "I'm not a baby, love you though" and then he kissed his other little boys forehead "Love you as well Baby" "L-Love you too d-daddy".

George patted both their backs and let go of his two youngest children, only to look back at his oldest two who were making gagging motions and noise at a beat red Alexander and flushed John.

" Oi, you two stop it! " George flared at his boys slightly.

"Ooooh okay daddy!!" Gilbert exclaimed mockingly.

" I'm sorryyy Daddy" Hercules held his arms out the seventeen year old grinning.

"C-cut it o-out!" Alexander had his small fists clenched and his feet firmly planted on the floor, he felt a warm hand in his shoulder and look up to see his mama beaming at him .

"You know Hercules I happen to remember a certain incident a few months ago when you fell off your bike, and came home crying for your and I quote 'daddy' " Hercules cheeks suddenly had a dark blush upon them, whilst Gilbert,Alexander and John all erupted in laughter.

"Oh and don't think you're getting off easy Gilbert, Remember the other day at school when you phoned home sick?, 'Mama can daddy pick me up?, I'm feeling poorly!' So don't you go picking on your younger brothers you two just cause your both seventeen doesn't mean that you can pick on them when you two were just the same at their age!"

There was a mumbled "sorry ma" from both seventeen year olds

"That's what I thought now Alex!" She pushed a strawberry shake into his palm " now you drink all of that!, And you have to eat lunch okay beautiful? "

"Yes M-mama thank y-you"

"Here ya are Beautiful" She pushed a green lunchbox into his palm "put that in your satchel".

" John sweetie here" she pushed a orange lunchbox into the boys hand who immediately started dancing on the balls of his feet "Peanut butter and Jelly?!" His mama giggled a little "of course sweetie as always!" John let out a little squeak and wrapped his arms around his mama, she patted his hair softly before letting go and picking up two other lunchbox one being red and the other being blue.

She pressed the blue one into Hercules hands "Here ya are love, Ham and mustard just like you asked" Hercules smiled softly at her "ah thanks ma" he kissed her cheek softly.

And obviously she pressed the red one into Lafayettes hand "ah mama cheese and pickle?" Before Martha could even open her mouth Gilbert out his hand up and stopped her from speaking " ah mama I don't even have to ask! " he bent over and kisses her cheek.

George checked his watched "boys you need to get going!, You've got twenty minutes"

HELLO! First Hamilton fic ever let me know what you think!

Sydney xx


	2. sick and worry

The small town that the Washington family lived in was in many ways beautiful, like something right out of a story book, the sky was a light blue with hardly any clouds in the sky, the trees were crisp browns reds and oranges, and children rung the bells on their bikes warning nearby pedestrians.

The warm September air blew gently, the sun beaming down, Alex could feel the stray pebbles from the pavement under his feet and Lafayettes warm palm intertwined with his.

Loud chatter and laughter came from the group of boys, who all had bags on their shoulders.

"Sooo you're telling me Angelica Schyuler THE Angelica Schyuler isn't your type?"

Lafayette have Hercules a look "I'm not being funny, whilst she's pretty she'd probably chop my dick off if I got within ten metres of her"

"True,not gonna lie though I'd probably get off on that"

Lafayette gave a squeak, before pulling Alex to his side and covering his ears.

"OKAY Hercules one, There are children around!, Two!, What the actual fuck?"

Hercules let out a bark of laughter "What do you think John is she Hot?"

"Hercules he's like fifteen!"

" hush Laf"

By now John had turned a bright red beneath his freckles, and moved his lips mumbling something.

"Awhh Herc look he's all embrassed!"

" l-leave Johnny a-alone! "

"Alex, shh buttercup, drink your shake"

"D-don't p-patronize me!"

Alex in a quiet protest let go of Lafayettes palm and attached his to Johns.

"Awhh Aleeex"

Alex threw a half hearted glare at his brother before sipping his shake trying to stomach it without projectile vomiting everywhere.

Lafayette on the other hand has noticed his brother go a sickly shade of green.

"Ah Alexander sweetheart?, Are you okay you don't look so good"

Alex looked back at Laf his big brown doe eyes going wide before he unceremoniously vomited all over himself.

"O-okay sweetheart, I'll take that as a no"

Alexander felt the corners of his eyes prickle before letting out a dry sob.

"Alex lil' bro?, We need to get you home" John's looked at his brother with sympathy, freckled face twisted into a frown, Alex felt tears fall down his warm cheeks, as he gasped with heaving sobs.

"W-want D-d-daddy!"

" Okay, Okay dear come on" Hecules opened his arms for the small boy who hesitated.

"I-ill g-g-get you m-m-messy" he sobbed

Lafayette walked over to him and gently took his silver framed glasses from his face, and used his thumbs to wipe the sticky tears away "shhh, none of that, Hercules doesn't mind sweetheart, he cares about you more than his clothes okay?"

Alexander scrunched his eyes up before mumbling a small "o-okay" he held out his green sweater clad arms and waited as he felt muscular arms swing him onto his side.

"Hey Johnny, carry Alex's bag?"

John nodded taking the satchel off Lafayette, running a hand through his curly ponytail.

Meanwhile, Alexander was wiping his mouth on his sleeve, his doe eyes rimmed with red, whilst he clutched the back of Hercules brown leather jacket feeling secure in his brother's hold, he felt Hercules turn the other way and start walking down the pavement with him, he pressed his face into the jacket and let his tears run freely.

A warm hand rubbed his back, "It'll be okay Alex, almost home"

"H-Hercules i-i w-w-want d-daddy and M-m-mama!"

" I know you do, I love you dear "

"L-lots?"

" Millions "

Alexander giggled slightly into his collar, "L-love you m-millions too.

-3-3-3-3-

Hercules pushed the door handle down slightly hearing it click, he walked in his shoes tapping on the wood of their hallway.

" Ma?, Dad? " he shouted, almost instantly he heard rustling from upstairs followed by the thud of the staircase.

He looked up to see his dad clad in a full suit blue the undone, he looked at his children with a confused expression before taking in the state of his youngest.

"Alexander!, Oh God what happened?" Hercules passed his brother to his father before looking down at himself and grimacing.

"He was sick." Hercules replied blunty

" Yes I gathered that but why was it the shake? " George felt Alex now into his shoulder.

"Oh baby, what we gonna do with you hmm?" In response Alex sniffled and let out a sob.

"Shh baby, no don't cry" George rocked him gently before taking in his other children's states.

"Right okay you lot, John and Laf you need to get to school, Her c you need to shower and change and I'll take Alex to his room"

They mumbled a few alrights and okays, before John walked over and pulled his father's jacket.

"Daddy, will Alex be okay?" John's big green eyes looked up at him, eyes slightly watery but looking as though he was hiding it

"yeah of course he will"

And with that Lafayette gently pried John's hand from George's coat and slung his arm around his shoulder.

"Come on, Johnny "

And with that they left, and Hercules climbed to staircase to the bathroom.

Alexander felt a rough hand gently caress his face.

"Come on baby, let's get you cleaned up hmm?"

Alexander nodded, as he felt his dad start to walk up the stairs with him, Alex clutched to his dad squeezing his eyes shut, he knows full well his dad would never drop him and he'd done this a thousand times before but it didn't stop Alexander from feeling nervous and the clenching in his stomach wasn't helping much either.

"D-daddy... I feel s-sick" he whispered

"Okay baby, I know" there was a pause "try not to be sick before we get to the bathroom, but don't worry if you are okay?"

Alexander gulped and pressed his face further into his dad's shoulder if possible, he then felt his dad place him down in something soft and opened his eyes to see he was in his bedroom the calming cyan walls with hastily painted bright fish on were comforting the was a fish for each of them, when Alex had gotten too old to be sharing with John anymore, his was a scruffy green fish with bright green eyes, John's was of course not a fish but a turtle that didn't look much like a turtle but apparently it was, and Hercules and Laf drew their own fish in their respective colour red and a dark blue.

Alex leaned back on the dark blue comforter decorated with fish of course, and shut his eyes listening to his dad in his bathroom running the tap, and the splashing of water.

"Come here, little one"

Alex say up to be met with his dad's brown eyes exactly like his own apart from the age and slight wrinkles around them, He felt a coolness around his mouth and on his chin, closing his eyes he meant into his daddy's touch, feeling safe and content.

"There we go, alright baby, are you okay?, Or do you feel sick again?" George's brow was crowned slightly looking down at his youngest.

"I-I still feel p-poorly daddy, I'll be o-okay though"

" You're not going to be sick are you sure?"

"S-sure"

George's lips twisted into a frown, "your stutters bad today isn't it?" Alexander looked down nodding, intently focused on his red converse .

"Its okay baby, you're just having a bad day it'll be better soon, why don't you jump into the shower and I'm wait here for you yeah?"

Alex nodded before opening the door to the ensuite, flashing his dad a small smile before shutting the door.

George prayed his little boy wouldn't get sick again.

-3-3-3-3-

Lafayettes feet scuffed the gravel below him as he walked toward the school gates, he felt the hand attached to his palm loosen and the owner of that hand looked up to him with big green eyes, Lafayette signed before crouching down and put his hands on John's shoulder.

"You alright Jacky" John took a breath .

"Yeah j -just Alex"

"I know pumpkin, but he'll be okay, he's strong"

"I don't want him to get sick again, I can't...I can't cope with that again Gil" John's voice strained towards the end sounding suspiciously like he was going to cry.

Lafayette kissed his cheek, "I know, I know John I can't cope with that with that either but we have to understand Alex can't help it, he's ill John, he's very ill, and we need to be there for him "

"I know...I know" John sniffled

"Hush, now Johnny it'll be okay"

"D-do you remember when he was in hospital Laf how small, and thin and weak he was, his arms lad on my God his arms"

John wrapped his arms around his shivering frame and felt strong arms wrap around him, Lafayette laid his cheek on his curls.

"Oh John, of course I remember, but by God has Alex tried hard since then, I don't mean to be insensitive pumpkin, but perhaps now isn't the best time not with everyone around Alex doesn't want that."

John swallowed hard and pulled away from his brother "of course not" he shook his head "do you think anyone heard?"

Lafayette looked around him "Nah, hope not anyways"

-3-3-3-3-

John sat at his desk it was around the middle of the classroom John not wanting to sit at the front for fear of looking like a nerd (Alex totally would sit there though) and not at the back for fear of looking like a 'delinquent' (Hercules would though)

'do people even use that term anymore?'

John grabbed a piece of paper from his back jean pocket and started to doodle on it, (Maybe he'd draw a picture for Alex to make him feel better?).

John's thoughts were interrupted when the confident middle aged women walked in flask in hand, John watched as her perfectly painted brown lips started to form words.

"Right guys okay!, Today we have a new student!, Joining the Sophomores, would you like to introduce yourself"

She say back on a battered fabric chair before watching the boy at the front.

The first thought that came to Johns mind was that the seat next to his was the only seat left free in the classroom (John liked having his own desk plenty of space for things.

His second though was this kid was way too confident for his first day.

The tall blonde boy brushed his golden locks out of his face the sides of his hair were shaved and the rest was floppy on top, he had ocean blue eyes, and to be honest he was kinda hot in John's opinion.

"Hey, I'm Charles, Charles Lee"


End file.
